Balancing the care of children and aging parents may seem overwhelming, but for many Americans in their 40s, it’s a daily reality. Known as the “sandwich generation,” these caregivers face unique challenges that can take a toll on their mental and physical health.
A recent study highlights the struggles of these caregivers, showing they report more mental health issues than others. Those spending over 20 hours a week on caregiving tasks also experience faster physical decline. Pamela D. Wilson, a caregiving expert, explains, “Family caregivers often lose sleep, leading to exhaustion that affects their minds and decision-making.”
If you know someone in this situation, you might wonder how to help. Health spoke with sandwich-generation caregivers to gather their top tips for support.
Be Flexible and Understanding
Amul Ganger, 43, cares for his 72-year-old mother, who has Alzheimer’s and dementia, while raising three children. His mother’s needs vary daily, making it hard to stick to plans. “We can still plan things, but sometimes unplanned time with mom is necessary,” he says. Flexibility from friends and family means a lot to him.
Drew Meyer, 49, faces similar challenges. As the primary provider for his wife, two kids, and his mother with Alzheimer’s, he sometimes cancels plans. Yet, he hopes friends keep inviting him out. “Social time is precious when so much of life is consumed by caregiving,” he says.
Offer to Help
Lori Gasparaitis, 50, balances caring for her 90-year-old father, two daughters, and a full-time job. Though her husband and sisters help, she handles most of her father’s nighttime and weekend care. “It’s exhausting,” she admits. “I’ve had meltdowns when my siblings are out enjoying weekends, and I’m stuck at home managing everything.”
Gasparaitis says offering to help—even for a few hours—can make a huge difference. “Having a strong support team is crucial, whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional help,” she adds.
Ganger agrees. “When people help with rides for my kids or step in when I’m tied up with my mom, it means the world,” he says.
Follow Through on Offers
Elizabeth Wade, 47, is helping her parents move from their home of 60 years into assisted living while raising three kids and working full-time. For her, time is the biggest challenge. She appreciates when people offer to help with tasks like researching assisted living options—but only if they follow through without needing her input.
“If someone offers to help, they need to take it to the finish line,” Wade explains. “Otherwise, I might as well do it myself. Offloading a task completely is a huge relief.”
Share Practical Advice
Meyer finds managing his mother’s healthcare stressful. “I’m not great at navigating doctors, so this is new territory for me,” he says. He’s grateful for practical tips, like a friend’s suggestion to use an automatic pill dispenser for his mom’s medication. “It ensures she takes her pills on time,” he adds.
Lend a Listening Ear
Sometimes, just listening can make a big difference. Beth Wirtz, 49, cares for her 90-year-old mother with dementia while raising three kids. “My sister and I are struggling with tough choices, like balancing our mom’s needs with our kids’ futures,” she says. While others can’t solve all her problems, Wirtz finds comfort in being heard. “Acknowledging our situation helps,” she says.
Caring for both children and aging parents is a demanding role, but small acts of support can lighten the load. Whether it’s offering flexibility, lending a hand, or simply listening, your help can make a world of difference to a sandwich-generation caregiver.
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